I am not sure where I am going with this but I think becoming a mother means not lying. We all need a slight buffer of half-truths to keep moving forward, yes? But the deeper lies. Sure, addiction is the number one denial, but other ones are less visible. For example, sometimes we lie as to whether we are working towards community or remaining stuck in self-analysis. True that our largest job is to move beyond our early years and their influence, especially if those years were more burden than joy. But you do move on and so the talk stops and then anyone needs to walk the talk instead. I feel like that now. Too much talk right now bores me and I prefer to engage in action. Mind you, we’re looking at thoughtful action here not mindless busy-ness.
What kinds of lies do children detect? They know so much more than we do because they run on pure intuition–that lightning quick understanding we often see return to us as adults if we reinvite the creative process into our lives, again. Sometimes we lose that. Maybe that’s one sort of lie a child knows is real. When we engage in work that dulls rather than shines us. They know and they stop asking about work over time. I have seen this.
Children definitely detect when an adult feels irritated from needing a smoke or another substance to quell the craving. That’s usually when an adult voice is raised too quickly or dinner is served abruptly. I’ve also seen kids make a beeline for their rooms in this moody environment. Similar is when a relationship cracks. A couple’s anger wears down a child’s confidence. They start to self-blame and lose trust in going to their parents for help. From a child’s point of view, how can an adult who fights all the time possibly help me? I’ll just stay out the way so matters don’t become worse.
I am certain–even if that sounds cocky–that the child(ren) I raise will not experience these lies. That’s probably the biggest gift of becoming a mom at a relatively older age, 44. My lying days are completely over.
An adult’s arrogance often drives him or her to rationalize that a child will not understand the presented lie. They know. I had the honor one time to help raise a little girl from birth. Her first three months she couldn’t really see. At least that’s what the mostly modern medical world claims. But I had the sense she could see by the way she clutched a hand, turned her head, pushed a foot, and sometimes turned to “stare” at you absorbing all of you–was kind of eerie actually. She saw the world through patterns–bottles, baths, and music. No earth-shattering insights here; I simply remember while watching her grow that we begin so much like we end–toothless, diapers, and cataracts. Some mornings she even looked like a wrinkly old man! Those were super fun days learning how to see all over again by observing her learn the world without eyesight.
So, as I prepare to become a mother, I will try to lie as little as possible. I’m striving to leave my ego far, far behind. My finances are in order, check. Need to secure the right housing, check. Continue to develop in my line of work, check. Adequate health insurance, check. Drive a safe and reliable car, check. Strive for emotional honesty, check. Ready to have lots of fun, check. Two months ago I made the promise on this Web site that a newborn would arrive in my arms within a year and perhaps that will come true. We’ll see. Just an intuition this might come true–no lie.
Posted by karolinawrites 